You know, sometimes I regret having a workaday job in the hinterlands of academia (that is to say, two subway stops from MIT). It drastically reduces the quantity and variety of the shenanigans up to which I can get.
To wit, I could never fake a website to create the illusion of a news organization, assume the role of a man inflicted with “Asperger’s Syndrome by Proxy,” bluff my way into Ken Ham’s Creation “Museum” and write the whole thing up, gonzo-style.
Yes, there’s video:
â€œIn the garden,â€ Ham said, looking over me into the filtering crowd, â€œyou know, the Bible tells us in the garden before sin, in fact in the world before sin, all animals were vegetarian and so was Adam and Eve, and even though they have sharp teethâ€¦â€
â€œWhy they have sharp teeth?â€ I interjected in my slow droning falsetto.
A cameraman, most likely from a local news outlet, rushed to Buntingâ€™s left to film the inspiring exchange.
â€œRight. Thereâ€™s a lot of animals that have sharp teeth, uh, that only eat plants,â€ Ham ruminated, â€œfor instance most, most bears are primarily vegetarian, yet they have teeth like a lion or a tigerâ€¦â€
â€œThey eat fish!â€ I vehemently disagreed. â€œI saw it on the Discovery Chan-nelâ€¦ but itâ€™s sec-u-lar.â€
â€œSome of them do,â€ Ham conceded, â€œbut a panda eats only bamboo.â€
The interview was going well. Ham was spouting nonsensical creationist rhetoric, and I was in full-blown retard mode. We were like long lost twins. He continued averting his gaze, however. My assumed detriments reminded him of manâ€™s fall from grace. It was time to test this man of God.
Read the whole thing. . . and have a safe and happy Independence Day.
(We were somewhere outside Newton on the Mass Turnpike when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying to Kevin and Mark, “I feel a little strange; maybe you should drive,” and suddenly the air was full of huge pterodactyls, swooping and diving around the yellow Datsun 240Z, and a voice was screaming, “Holy Jesus, what are these goddamn extinct animals?”. . . .)